Yes, I Am Slow
December 17, 2008 by betchai-t-luc
I have been tagged many times, but I am just slow to react. It is not that I do not appreciate the blog-tag that I did not respond to a lot if not all of them, but I am just really slow…like a turtle.
My former student, Erisa has shared to me Jeff Pulver’s Virtual Cocktail Party. A virtual game of getting to know you party which asks you to share 5 things that the blogosphere don’t know about you (hmmm, are there?).
And what are these 5 things that the blogosphere still probably do not know about me? I can not say I am still sick 
, can I?
1. I am not comfortble attending parties!
It may be because I am shy and struggle with striking a conversation with strangers, or it may be I feel sad after attending parties thinking about the money spent could have been spent for a much better cause. I do attend parties, I am not a total kill joy. But I must say they are not the happiest days of my life, I can surely live without. In fact, when I attend parties, deep inside I feel sad. Why is that? I feel sad that there will be so many wasted foods on the table later and yet so many go hungry. I feel sad that others get drunk on alcohol, yet so many do not even know what a real fresh fruit juice tastes like. I am not at all judging people who likes to party, for we all have our differences and I do respect that. I do understand that we all thrive in our differences in making our world a more diverse and wonderful one. That’s why I still contribute my share if my friends or my family or my colleagues choose to have a party, I know it has its purpose too. But I am just not comfortable in it. On the other hand, I am into a simple get together of friends, or a simple get together of family, but just without over-abundance of foods and drinks. But should there be over-abundance, though I may feel uncomfortable, though I may feel sad inside, I just keep it within me to not destroy the spirit of celebration. But there is one party I always find joy though, that is a party for and with the deprived kids, seeing them enjoying every bite, every munch, tasting foods they do not have often on their lives is far more rewarding than attending big social parties.
2. I had the simplest wedding one could ever imagine!
I have nothing against big wedding, in fact, any wedding always make me teary eyed, for I always am touched with the celebration of the gift of love. But I guess, my choice is related to how I feel at parties. I remember a relative before who asked money from my father because she is getting married. My father just shook his head, and told her, ” I have nothing against your wedding. If you can afford a big celebration, go for it! But do not expect your relatives to share the bill for your celebration. For weddings can be celebrated wonderfully even in the simplest way.” Maybe our relative hated my father for it, but at that young age in my life, I had nothing but admiration for my father’s decision to say “NO!” Tatay would always tell us privately, ” your nanay and I had the simplest wedding you can ever imagine. i am not asking you to have the simplest wedding also, all i am asking you is to not BORROW ANY MONEY just to make your wedding look grand. To borrow money means you can not afford it, and I do not want to see your marriage start with debt. If you have money, I would advise you to get a house first, if you can pay the house in full and you still have extra money left, then, I can say you can afford a big wedding and would be happy to see you have a grand wedding. God did not show us that celebration should be in the grandest way possible, but in the humblest way possible through the birth of Jesus.” At that young age, it struck in my mind deeply. So, a small silent wedding and a very romantic first night had stayed in my dreams for years and I kept it that way. No preparation and financial stress, just pure marital bliss after the wedding right on the first night just as I dreamed it to be. And yes, following my father’s advise, we strived to be financially free and at present do not owe any bank or financial institutions anything, maybe just paying taxes to the government. But then again, it is just me, I do understand also why others choose to have a grand celebration, and I also respect and admire their choice in life. In fact, weddings are the only party I do not feel sad after attending,hahahahaha! It is the only party I attend that despite of grand merry making, I forget to think about the foods and drink can be enjoyed more by those who are in hunger, for in attending wedding parties, I also get lost in the CELEBRATION OF LOVE, hehehehe, only that, for myself, I have a different choice, and I am so glad, Khai respected my choice.
Just imagine the stress, when I was discussing wedding with an ex, and we could not agree about how it should be! I wanted a simple silent one, he wanted a BIG ONE saying he does not want to disappoint his family at all (he is Italian). For some reason, God always finds a way to end a not very workable relationship in a less hurtful and less stressful way, and replace it with a more complementary and workable one.
3. I am frugal, but not stingy! 
I know I drew a big laugh when I would say this. Others would always equate frugal = stingy, thus when you say you are frugal, it means you are stingy! I beg to disagree! Stingy means sparing or scant in using, sending or giving. Frugal means being economical in using resources, or practising careful restraint when spending. How can the two be equal? Hihihihi! Even if I am not rich, even if I am just but a struggling teacher, I try my best to practice tithing. When I was young, I do not understand as much why I have to give 10% of my gross income away, but now that I am older, I realise that 10% is actually too little compared to what God has graciously given us. In this time of economic woes, I at first was tempted to cut down my tithes and my 401K, and later I realised, no! Cut down something else, but not the tithes and not payment to myself! So, what is it? LESS SHOPPING = MORE HIKING! And more happiness that way!
4. I CAN NOT DRIVE
Ever since I had my total crash accident 4 years ago that I could not even imagine how I survived, I could not find myself in the wheels anymore! I had tried to be back at the wheels many times but the palpitations it brings to my heart, the cold sweat and the fear of hurting someone’s life not necessarily my own is not worth it right now for me to keep pursuing the driver’s seat. I want to though, I pray for one day my guts and strength will go back to normal, but I do not rush myself either as I am more afraid for others than for myself. Right now, I just enjoy being driven by Khai and my friends who do visit me . I said I am slow, right? In fact, I am very slow, to get over with those feelings I have everytime I am at the driver’s seat. Maybe, one reason is that, I have a very understanding driver (Khai) and also, we live in a city where you have a choice between driving or taking bus and train. And even at my age right now, I still am very much fascinated taking the train, especially as it overlooks the ocean! Lovely!
For those who knows I do not drive, they always ask us why we have two cars and one driver, and Khai would just reply, “oh, because the other driver can not drive!” and they would look at me with some questions in their eyes, and tell me, “You should!!” I know I should, but then again, I am Slow.
5. I get mental blank a lot of the times.
Do I need to explain? I am just naturally forgetful. In fact, i have sent security police once to my classroom because I forgot what is my Code. Whenever we unlock our classroom we have to use a security code, otherwise, it will send alarm to the security/police for illegal entery! Why only once, because I called the other 3 times I called police to simply say it is just me, not a burglar or whoever trying to enter illegally
Also, once, the ATM took my card away since i forgot my PIN
And once, after paying the cashier, I left my purse and went away with my shopping bag! Good thing Khai was with me, he picked up my purse, and told me, ” I am so scared of you!! Your shopping bag is more imporant than your purse! ” Oh well, that is why I hardly bring ladies bag, I prefer a sling bag or a messenger bag that I do not have to take it away from my shoulder when I pay for something.
Now, who do I tag? Again, did I not say I get mental blank a lot of times? So, just anyone who would love to continue the virtual game party! Oh well, did I not say I am not comfortable with parties?
wow beth…what can i say?….except for number 5 i am so like you!!! i hate parties promise…for the same exact reasons as yours….i’d rather stay home and hug my kids…and my wedding was so so so simple…there were only three of us for that matter…my husband, me, my brother for a witness and we had to literally grab one man by the arm to simply be the second witness…and no plans for a grand wedding ceremony anymore…after 6 years of marital bliss i don’t think there is still a need to march down the aisle…besides that would entail a lot of time not to mention money..although it is some sort of a frustration for my mom not to have seen her only daughter wear a wedding gown…i think she will have to live with it hehehehe….and yes i too am frugal but not stingy..an ilocana at heart and deed hehehehe…i used to drive too but after wrecking our gate i don’t think i’ll ever trust myself with the wheel again…it might be the end of me or worst of the people who’d be unfortunate to get in my way hehehehe….but i do envy women who drive really it is still something i would like to conquer one of these days..as for number 5…it is a no no in my profession otherwise there’d be dead people all around me in less than a second hahahahaha….thank you for sharing not only your thoughts but your heart and soul as well…really so elated to have found a friend in you….mwah!
You are so real Beth and so glad that you share a little bit about yourself. I seldom go to parties - only if I know a lot of friends are attending. On lavish wedding, I am totally against it if you can’t afford it. Jeff and I agreed that instead of spending our savings on our wedding we used it on our house down payment. We had a very simple wedding and we had our first home a month later. Sorry to hear about the accident you were in. Take all the time you need, you will get over it. I know people like you that took years before they finally sit in the driver’s side again. On mental blank, that is really scary. I only experience that when I have so many things in mind.
This is so cool.. we are learning a lot about you. Yeyyy we have the same name and same attitude in life.
thanks for sharing those wonderful things about you. i realized we have more things in common. perhaps 3 out of 5. hehehe…
bingo, beth, hahaha, you could be my twin!
hate the total waste of food at parties, and the hypocrisy of (the host) inviting those outside of the usual circle, calling for dead-end conversations, and a little less respect for the host afterwards! blech!
a very simple wedding, total bliss! (egged on by the thought that it’s not the wedding, but the marriage that counts!)
my friends keep pushing me to”use that credit card!”
i don’t drive because huz is scared! trust me, i am NOT! (i guess, ;))
i have amnesic spells, sometimes i forget what i wore an hour ago.
aaaaahhhhh!!!
ha!ha!ha!.. you could have been my long lost twin.!!!
party…no, no no, for me..i am certified anti-social.
wedding…civil with only 6 friends in attendance.
spending…i do spend for something worth spending.do keep some for rainy days.
driving…tsk, tsk..i don’t drive at all.
mental block..oh my friend your story echoes mine. just a couple of weeks ago i went shopping.queued on the cashier,blink, blink there goes my groceries in the bag…to my horror i left the debit card at home and i couldn’t remember for the life of me my credit card’s pin.apologized to the cashier and asked him to cancel my transaction.
quite interesting isn’t it, to be totally different and yet almost the same…
my instinct told me you are my BEST, and indeed you were!
we share sooooooooooo many things in common! cliched it may be but birds of the same feather really flocks together…
no. 5 is soooooooooooooooo ME, and i am soooooooooooo glad to know i’m not alone! hehehe! when i withdraw money from ATM, i have to call my hubby for the PIN… and oftentimes after paying the cashier at supermarket, i walk away without the groceries!
soooooooooo glad to know more about u best! when i have plenty of time *dunno when will it be
*, will share u things about myself too 
Am still laughing as I read all the way to the last comment. I can almost say out loud: Those who would not drive, raise your hand! (hehe) My case is similar to yours Beth. I learned to drive at an early age of 14, after a year of enjoying the wheels, I was in a bad accident –New Year’s Eve ’86, after that incident, I’ve been experiencing similar feelings you have whenever I seat in the driver’s seat. Several times though to surprise some good friends of mine here, I drove home from where we were which was not that near, up to our house. But other than those rare occasional “surprises” am not into driving much. But I hold on to what Chay said, perhaps, we can still give it a go.
“I am frugal, but not stingy!” Well said my friend. Doods and I are firm believers of tithing. We faithfully did during our years in Pinas. God can not be outdone in generosity. Sadly when we came here to the US, we have been moving around churches and we believe in “bloom where you are planted.” We are hoping the search will be over soon. We faithfully support three charities though, but tithing is so much better (it is an exercise of faith). I admire you friend!
I get mental blank too… a lot. And I thought I was the only one who is helplessly dependent on Doods for remembering numbers. I think we are the case of “forgetful but thoughtful”…hahaha!
beth, i had so much fun reading this post!! so great to find out more about you, dear friend:) i join almost everyone who replied to this blog in announcing that i, too, do not care much for parties!! that’s not to say i never go to them. like you, i do drag myself out to parties once in a blue moon and paste on a happy face even if i would rather be somewhere else. when you work in a corporation/school, etc., it’s important to socialize once in a while, this is what i believe. thus, i do go to parties (unless i can come up with a really good excuse, hehe!!). like you, i think too much is usually spent on such parties. much food is wasted. and many guests rudely criticize the food yet continue to stuff their mouths (gee! if you’re gonna keep on eating, then just shut up and try to say something nice about the food, right?) and then often times, too much alcohol at parties causes normally level-minded, intelligent individuals to go berserk. sometimes, fights break out. people start slurring their speech and saying things they would otherwise not even say, had they been sober. and then they regret it later. i could go on and on about things i dislike about parties, and i’m sure you could, too. but i am like you, too, beth, when it comes to small gatherings of friends/family. these are the “parties” i much prefer because with a smaller group, there is more interaction. more telling stories. more laughs. and even if there’s not much food, everyone shares it and enjoys every morsel. how i wish our salitype society could have such a gathering!:( dont’ you?
i am all for simple weddings, too, beth. that’s great that you and khai had one of those. i made the mistake of having quite a big church wedding the first time i got married:( too much money was spent, in my opinion .. and the wedding did not last anyway. so it was all a big waste of time/money in the end. when rog and i decided to get married last year, we decided to shoot two birds at one time, since we had also dreamed of one day riding in a hot air balloon, so we said, why not go for that hot air balloon ride AND get married at the same time?:) so we were able to do both, and it was great! just the two of us. all of the friends we invited were chicken to go up in the sky with us; they feared the balloon would crash (well, it almost did, hehe). i don’t even remember the name of the pastor who married us, and definitely not the pilot, who stood as the witness. and yet it doesn’t matter to us:) it was a lovely wedding, we think! the sun was just rising over the new mexico mountains and we were drifting over the rio grande river. the sky was blue. the air was so pure and fresh up there. we get teary-eyed when we remember our wedding day. so simple and yet just the way we wanted it to be. right after the wedding, we went straight to the courthouse to get the copies of our wedding certificate done and legalized. then we had lunch at this mexican restaurant whose name i can’t remember now. then we went to the zoo, beth, coz we both love animals .. and we spent almost all afternoon there marveling at these beautiful creatures of God (since we have no big zoos here in WV). as sunset fell, we took a tram to one of the mountains there, sandia crest, had dinner at a restaurant on top of the mountain and watched the sunset while seating on some rocks. you guys had a silent wedding and a very romantic first night, but let me tell you, beth- rog and i had a silent wedding, but we did so many things the rest of that day that by the time we got back to the hotel that night, we had no energy left to do anything else (you know what i mean, right?) so we joke, to this day, and say we’re probably the only couple who didn’t do “anything” on our honeymoon night, heheheheh. if you had eavesdropped outside our room that night, all you would be able to hear were loud snores, almost as loud as wild beasts!! LOL!!:)
i also consider myself frugal, but not stingy, beth:) isn’t it almost a requirement in these harsh economic times? by frugal, i mean, i’m not into buying designer stuff, like designer Louis Vuitton bags (did i even spell that right?) or things like that. no offense to those who have LV apparel:) i’m just trying to explain my personal definition of “frugal.” and that is - when i need to buy a bag (or some clothes), i choose one that looks good regardless of brand. i’m not a slave to brands, i guess you could say. i buy a lot of clothes at wal-mart!:) and i’m not embarrassed to announce that. beth, that is very good of you to tithe regularly!! i believe in tithing, too, but will admit that i sometimes fail to do this regularly:( and i could come up with all kinds of excuses for why this happens, but i will not. there is always room for improvement, and i join the many people out there who believe in tithing but fail every now and then to do so. thank you for your good example, beth, and bless your heart!!
oh, i am so sorry to hear about your bad car accident, beth:( thank God you survived that one, and i totally understand why you do not drive now. i more or less HAVE TO drive here in WV:( even on days when i wish i didn’t have to. that’s great you guys have other forms of public transpo there- bus, train. we have none of that here. as a matter of fact, i believe the City of Beckley (where i work) has only one taxi. Coal City has zero. no trains here either:( so driving is a requirement. you are very lucky you have khai who understands your fear. and also lucky you get to take the train- i am sure the view is lovely!
beth, that is hilarious that you forgot the security code to your classroom:) that’s so cute:) you had me laughing at this one. i think all us women suffer mental blankness once in a while. i do, too. i sometimes forget the security code to the employees’ entrance at the paper, and have to call one of my co-workers to let me in:) ok, i think one of the most weird things i ever did was go through a mcdonald’s drive thru, order my food, pay for it, then drive off without getting my food at the other window!!! can you imagine how upset and stupid i felt when somewhere down the road, i looked at the passenger’s seat and did not see any mcdo bag seating there, AND THEN realized i had left the food behind (after paying for it!!) so, beth, you’re not alone in this one either:)
thank you again for sharing info about you with us, your friends:) i found this very interesting, beth .. and maybe by my responses, you’ll know more about me, too! i’m sorry this got so long, but i guess i’m making up for being so slow in commenting on your blogs:) take care and have a wonderful week!!
hahaha - you had me cracking up with this one, mj girl! but, i am so happy that we salitypers are of the same feather!
happy frugal christmas, one and all!
i like that Che, have a happy frugal Christmas, hahaha!!
MJ, I always am fascinated to hear about your wedding, my heads bow to you and Rog for that adventurous spirit. I am glad the pastor was not at all shaken when the balloon almost crashed and the ceremony went on!! and you made me laugh with when you shared you and Rog were so tired on your first night you snored like wild beasts, hahahaha!!! but your day activity was your honeymoon already, hihiihihihi.
oh by the way, i am so glad to know a lot of us are forgetful also, hahahaha! that was hilarious, to buy at McDonald’s drive through only to leave without the burger, hahaha!
I forgot to add, like Che, several times I forget the grocery bags too after paying the cashier.
on the contrary, beth, the pastor (a woman) screamed so loud, almost like a pig being butchered (i have nightmares of her screams to this day; no kidding), as our balloon touched down very roughly in a field and then was dragged by a sudden gust of strong wind, very roughly and VERY FAST across the length of the field and in the direction of a power pole and a tree!! at that moment, rog and i were hanging on to that flimsy wicker basket with all our might. the whole basket thing was going sideways and i thought for sure we would get thrown out, or get killed if we struck the tree or power pole:( i do not know how the pilot managed to keep from falling out of the basket while steering at the same time, but somehow, he did. miraculously, he was able to steer our balloon into the narrow space between the tree and the power pole. if he did not, i probably would not be typing these lines today:( beth, we were covered with dust (from dragging through the field) when the balloon finally came to a stop, but we jumped out and when we saw all 4 of us were alive, we screamed with relief, hehehe:) i mean, we laughed and yelled and screamed as if we had won the lottery! by the way, beth, this happened AFTER we had already said our vows and the wedding sermonette had been given (we did all that way up in the sky) … this happened when we were attempting to land.
beth, you made me laugh, too, when you told about forgetting your grocery bags after paying the cashier:D like che!:) ok, who among you has experienced this?- getting on a packed bus (in manila) with both arms carrying several shopping bags (from Christmas shopping!) .. luckily getting to sit down (when a kind man gives his seat up), falling asleep from exhaustion (from too much shopping!), then waking up suddenly when the conductor yells out your stop, standing up quickly and getting off the bus …. AND LEAVING THE SHOPPING BAGS ON THE BUS!!:( yes, beth, can you believe i did that?:( it’s been 9 years now, and i still feel bad sometimes when i remember all those gifts i spent hours buying, only to forget them on that bus:( my hope is that someone who was in need found them, and was able to make good use of them..
yes, indeed, che: HAPPY FRUGAL CHRISTMAS to each one of us:)
MJ, that was scary, but at least, it happened when the ceremony was over. Your wedding is an experience of a lifetime!! Even to that pastor, am sure, she won’t forget you two, hihihi. Glad the pilot was skilled enough to veer you all out of danger.
leaving shopping bags on the bus? i haven’t because oftentimes my bags are on my lap, but sleeping on the bus, yes
this is so funny beth. i guess like you i experience episodes of forgetfulness too. there was one time that i went through a fastfood drive through, ordered, gave them my atm card and could not remember my pin. i was mumbling to myself trying to figure it out. then as i looked at the window where the cashier was, she was eyeing me with this “hurry up” look.
parties i’d like to go to are family gatherings and very close friends. there was one time when my husband and i got invited to a birthday party of his highschool friend. i know him and his wife (met them many times before). when we got there, my hubby’s friend was happy to see us and told me to go ahead inside where his wife was. i saw her in the kitchen with the rest of the women and when i said hi to her, she just looked at me and continued her conversation with whoever she was talking to. in short, she ignored me. from that time on, i told nick that i would never go back to any of their parties. they invited us again for new year’s eve party (one year) and i told my hubby that i didn’t want to go. he agreed.
before i forget…happy new year to you and khai. may you be surrounded with love, peace and more blessings this coming year and always.
ms. beth i’ve visited several times here but i am pathetically shy… but now i cant help dropping a few lines…
1. parties make me vommit…(people are so stiff, up-tight, surreal…i always trip with my tall hills…my plate flipping in the air and i will end up in all fours on the floor…ahahahha)
and when you said:
“I feel sad that there will be so many wasted foods on the table later and yet so many go hungry. I feel sad that others get drunk on alcohol, yet so many do not even know what a real fresh fruit juice tastes like.”
thanks for giving words to my thoughts…it pains me to see lavishness while a lot of people elsewhere wont even have a decent 3 meals to get by in a day…
2. i like solemn weddings…one where the couple could laugh a hearty one for bloopers… yet with eyes locked in a dreamy moment they’d say…”yes…baby i am happy you’ve completed me”…(ayan, naiyak na ata ako….sniff!)
3. i wan to say i’m frugal too but it’s not applicable…in fact i want to be a big spender…but i only have enough which really means…not enough…but i’m content (minsan hinde,,,nyah!)
4. i can drive…but i dont have my own car…so useless… ahahhaha
5. metal blank?…lately i have to equiped myself with reminders written on “post-it”…trouble is…sometimes i couldn’t even recall where i posted the darn “post-it”…ahhahaha
thanks for this nice piece of work beth…i enjoyed it…(winks!)
thanks Weng and Carmen.
@ Weng, I too would not go back to her party, I actually had experienced several times some people would just simply outright ignore me, and like you, why would I attend their party when I feel am not welcome at all? I do not carry grudge, but I do not want to push myself either.
@ Carmen, you know you always make me laugh…you have a way of making things so light. thanks for taking the courage to leave a comment here, you are always welcome here Carmen. haa, post-it, like you Carmen, a lot of the times, I lost it :)) .
Wow! Betchai that was really a good piece Love it Chai
We all have a lot of things in common specially going into a party, i hate parties! i prepare to have a quiet and simple gatherings with my family or closed friends, that is more special to me, i was invited by a friend here to a party for women a year ago and i didn’t come and didn’t regret that after hearing and telling me what happened there.
i cannot drive also Beth, but i’m practicing sometimes and hope when the right time comes maybe if God’s will i will do the test.
About mental blank Beth, i’m telling you i even forgot our phone numbers at home hahaha! and sleeping in the bus that happened to me also often
hihihi
Well, it’s good to know we guys have a lot of things in common, ahmm did i tell you Beth i’m also slow?
I liked reading this one. And I sincerely liked the small, simple wedding. My husband and I had that for our wedding and I can’t think of anything else to make it better. It was only family guests and my mom helped with some of the food. It was just perfect. I completely agree with you. And don’t worry about being forgetful sometimes. I do that a lot, too. And to make myself feel better, I reason with myself. It’s because I’m too busy thinking about other people that I forget about everything. Hehehehe.
I am horrible at parties, too. I can’t stand to be under scrutiny although I think it’s all in my head. I’m perfectly fine with just a small gathering where everything is used vice a big bonanza.
I am frugal at times. Actually, there are a lot of things I don’t mind saving on and sometimes when impulse occurs, I splurge. I think that life is too short to just do nothing with a small percentage of your savings.
Anyway, I liked reading your blog.
wow….
I am happy to know that there are people like me throughout this world.
I have 4 points matching except that i am not married yet…
being slow having mental blanks makes my interviews and exams suck…
but well,,i am working hard and trying to come out with gud results…but i have one strength too…i always was a child imagining or fascinating about things that didnt occur….i had a strong power of imagination…which now has turned into a strong power of visualization..
with age i came to know about my weaknessess and my strength…i learned to accept my weakness and work on my strength…
and i am sure 1 this slow creature with mental blanks and who is unable to drive(i.e me) would prove to the world that being slow is not a demerit